running thoughts

while running the mind thinks more simply
I asked myself a few simple qns
what have I achieved this year
the immediate answer was - nothing
Not spiritually, Nor in r/s
Not financially, Nor at work
and then a small inner voice spoke
and for once in the year I realised
I have been a good nurse to mum
she's been nursed back to a good state
and then I stop to say
Thank You Lord
for equipping me with more patience and love
everytime I feel so void of it..

One thing for everything

The way we do one thing reflects on the way we do everything.

I have a dream, a song to sing

I have a dream, a song to sing

To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail

I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I’ll cross the stream - I have a dream

I have a dream, a fantasy
To help me through reality
And my destination makes it worth the while
Pushing through the darkness still another mile
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I’ll cross the stream - I have a dream
I’ll cross the stream - I have a dream

I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I’ll cross the stream - I have a dream
I’ll cross the stream - I have a dream

day 7, 8 , 9 .. im back.

the days that followed were those that led to recovery.
wanted to be focussed to overlook,
find activity that brought joy,
be useful..
and of course release more endorphins with lots more exercise.

The long weekend was busy but purposeful,
no drinking with the gang
home-in dvding
early nights,
early mornings
interacting with the kids for the old school concert
and 6km clocked at macritchie and ecp.
on top of that, yammi yoghurt with almonds to whet my appetite before every dinner. =)

all is well.. im back on my feet again..

looking back, I guess I just needed to break free..
when the bird has clipped wings,
it just loses meaning to life..
Managed to flap some happiness in the end of these 9 days
and I hope to be permanently back..

it is true that
when the inside's not feeling right,
the whole life is in disorder..
nailed it!

Day 6

Boss had a one to one in me and opened a can of worms abt my past year
She said I was different the whole year.
Darn, hate exposing the emo side of me.
But I did.
She wants me to hit a new level before the financial yr ends but I need the weekend to figure it out.
Doubt I have the strength to undergo new stress.
Her advice to me was that u have to be cruel sometimes and u need to release all this burden that's weighing u down for too long.
Just when I was trying to sweep things under e carpet I had to face another reminder.
Nvm, it's the end of the whole week. Will figure it out v soon.
This week had alot more activity than last but I realized some things no activity can replace. It's something more than that which has to go by hook or by crook.
Can't bring it with me to the new year.
Today I shall look forward to yummy dinner plans. :)

Day 5

List was out
Took a proper lunch w colleagues to keep from being alone
Finished a big pile of work
Made it to the fellowship w e sg ladies
A proper day.
An early night.

day 4

Another fulfilled list.
Lunched w em.
Became a nicer person.
Booked Air tix. YES!
Tomorrow needs a fatter list.

Looking forward to baddy.

day 3

not so good, took the day off.
Half fulfilled today's list.
Lazed and dvd-ed the evening away.
Back to work tomorrow,
New To-Do List.

day 2

fulfilled the list
set a new list for tomorrow.
Hang out with happy people.
Talk. =)
(should drink less)

Sunday- day one

Occupy oneself with planned purposeful activity
Stay away from inactivity
Set out goals to achieve
Buy an ice cream to make oneself happy
Have a list for tomorrow

u(dun)nderstand me

Why can't you understand
Have I not done my part?
Why do you make it so hard for me to want to be around you..
To give you more..
Why do you scorn and speak words that threaten and
hurt the ones who walk beside you..
Who gives you the right to speak with such pride, recklessness and arrogance
Who gives you the right to tear after the pain you inflict
Why can't you just bask in these blessings
Why do you have to put me through this regiment
Why can't I just let go
Why must I bear with your bricks
It's just too heavy .. too heavy for me..

Thank You Lord

with a grateful heart
with a song of praise
with an outstretched arm
I will bless your name
Thank you Lord!

Because of You

BECAUSE OF YOU


City Harvest Church / Worship
Key: B

BECAUSE OF YOU,
I WAS BORN AGAIN
BECAUSE OF YOU,
I’M RANSOMED BY YOUR GRACE
BECAUSE OF YOU,
MY HEART HAS FOUND A HOME
A REFUGE FOR MY SOUL


BECAUSE OF YOU,
SINS ARE WASHED AWAY
BECAUSE OF YOU,
HEAVEN KNOWS MY NAME
BECAUSE OF YOU,
I CAN LIVE AGAIN
YOU’VE BROKEN EVERY CHAIN 

UNFAILING LOVE,
SO UNRESERVED
YOU GAVE YOURSELF ON CALVARY
AND NOW I STAND,
FOREVER FREE
MY SAVIOUR RESCUED ME


BECAUSE OF YOU, THE WEAK SAY "I AM STRONG"
BECAUSE OF YOU, THE BROKEN HAVE A SONG
BECAUSE OF YOU, THERE'S NO NEED TO FEAR
HOPE STEADFAST, EVER SURE

A new october day

Left the traumas of the first at the very place the
ashes scattered
A new day arose and more blessings to be thankful for
A priceless time of fellowship with not 2 but 7.
A meal of celebration for yet another year - she made it.
And for the other octoberian for a brighter livelier year.
Sometimes we need to shift perspective,
See a splash of paint as abstract art
A tiresome effort as at least she's here another day
Money spent looked as lil spent for the happiness traded
And a messed up life simply as God"s work in progress ..

Sometimes I'm clear headed ,
Other times I just want to bury myself underground, make em worry abt me instead
Coz I worry and care too much abt what they feel..
Then sometimes I sing to myself,
"Little by little by, step at a time
He"s changing our hearts and renewing our mind..."

I need to put down some baggage
travel light and
Truly learn the meaning of let go and let God..
Maybe I will start from today.

Chemical balances

Have I got my answer..

The atom bomb was based on sound chemistry principles. Mild n subdued, or wild n turbulent, it is what it is.
U gravitate to the kind of chem that suits and sustains u.
Not one that ur constantly trying to keep from falling apart. Dat wld indicate the absence of sound principles.

Choices

I read a speech by Steve jobs in 2005, it was to a graduating class, there was an awful amount of simplicity in what he said partnered with depth.
Drifted off to the many thoughts about life and choices and couldnt agree less with what I read.. One of which was
"if you live each day as if it was your last, someday you"ll most certainly be right" he asked.. "if today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I"m about to do today"

How often do we live in such fashion, living with little regret, doing something only to wonder why we even did it in the first place.

Everything gets placed in perspective when we move from impulsive stupidity to spontaneous thought driven actions..
Of course again subjected to individual opinions.
Sometimes we think too much and end up in utter regret and then sometimes we irrationally commit to something only to regret it the very next second.
The balance may be difficult but should be very much sought after.

In a nutshell,
Don't regret, don't put dreams on hold
Yet think through coz if tmr doesn't come and I didn't do it would I look back in sore regret.
Maybe that way, we also become happier people?

Metro therapy nope not for me

"I am being pulled by the nose and have no say whatsoever."
Then why don't u chose ur fav to bring u to the doc or pay 4 ur retail therapy.
What exhaustion when u chose to speak words that stab and expressions that make me feel so sick.

Romans 12:9,11-13 says
"Love Must be Sincere, hate what is evil , cling to what is good.. Never be lacking in zeal but keep your spiritual fervor serving the Lord. Be JOYFUL in hope, PATIENT IN AFFLICTION (!!!!!) faithful in prayer. Share with God"s ppl in need. Practice hospitality.

13:8 let no debt remain outstanding except the CONTINUING debt to love another for he who loves his fellow man has fulfilled the law.

Patience for m & p
Acceptance for situations that should not be altered
Hope for a God planned future

Stop resisting,
Stop assessing
Simply start afresh.

Discovery me

Today I stood at church.. Heavy laiden
With thots of why's and hungry for answers ..
How cld I possibly worship w so much distraction..
And then it got a little better but it all fell on me again
Wish I cld snap out of it
But I really feel I don't belong
Not to my own family
And certainly not to another..
Been living a complacent time
And today I realized what in life could make
me feel so insecure
And I Felt so shaken
Today I realized some v fearful childlike insecurities..

Divine Magic

Neither time nor money
Could ever build anything as immaterial as this
Some spend money to find that happiness they continue to seek even after money"s spent
Some take a long time to know each other before trusting 
And there my Lord
Set 2 paths to meet
Set previous sceneries similiar so that there cld be more relation
And backgrounds almost mirror so we"d b intrigued 
cld any money or time buy this? 
Perhaps nothing but a fling of that divine wand so magical so real. 

The life of regret

The life that's filled with regrets
Or blame on another n not achieving greater..
Some questions shot at the maker
Or wishing one was born earlier or later..
Consistently in hunger coz the life lived was always in dissatisfaction.
Jealousy, endless strife, unfounded insecurities ..only giving birth to conflict n war.
Till the very end or from the genesis of all things there will be sadness within coz
Blessings were accompanied with constant hunger or greed
And in such hunger - blindness is found
And in blindness we"ll never see the beauty and wholesomeness this life was created or gifted to be.

How could I live

http://m.youtube.com/index?desktop_uri=%2F&gl=US#/watch?v=2s6OMyztOzE

How could I live without You
How could I survive
Without Your love
Without Your touch
You're the One that heals me
And cleanses my heart
And sets me free

Now i come right before You
With my hands lifted up
With my heart humbly bowed
At Your work on the cross
As You hang there and die
You were paying the price
For my life, For my life

For Your love is higher than the heavens
Deeper than the seas
And all I want is You in my life
Noone else can satisfy my soul
Can make me feel this way
Only You Lord, only You

Life"s dead ends

.Family.Friends.

Sometimes when we reach dead ends. There are only a few arms that are able to pull us back on our feet.

thoughts of e divine being could sometimes slip into our sub consciousness and we just need that earthly support which of course is provided by the same divine being.

But it remains clear to me that in the 2 main blocks. There lies only 1 or 2 options that cld possibly be that lifeline.

And when that lfeline snaps- the entire perspective on life could take a drastic turn.

Seemingly strong but undeniably fearful.

the milestone

memory in the box
was time to let it go
after the haunts and taunts
turned to ashes on the 24

accompanied with 24T
I had a lil more courage
and help to light up the dark
while the past faded away.
no looking back no looking back

three

As the days drew near
there were thoughts of dissatisfaction
for whatever was not achieved
for angst at situations that could not be changed
for experiencing consistent change in time 
while dealing with it with such inconsistency
and for realising that youth was fleeing from me

Do all 3s feel this way?

parties came and went
an excess of a liquid diet
and then when the actual day where dinner was to be
the disappointment that filled was immense.
could not figure how she could chose- of all days
not mar nor apr but a jul to pull this on me.

This leaves the greatest memory of the day of three.
but after all the tears and hurt..
u just have to let it pass
learn and relearn the art of forgiveness.
that sorry -was the 1st in my entire lifetime.
alas I could not befriend anger any longer.

love I guess surpasses all understanding.

Hello Goodbye

Goodbye Heavy
built from yester 04/05s

Hello light
It's about time to
let the bells ring..
pain go away
welcome a brand new beginning.
no more dwellings.

The end was read
Burdens unloaded,
Questions answered
Blessings been given
Time changes everything..

Move on me, move on..

im tired.

Walking past the set - viewing the mountains and seas from the box, 
Looking at e white maneuverings in the sky,
Missing the walks on cobbled stones
or even shivering in winter cold,
waking up to a difference
soaking into the beauty of every new day..

Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if u cld display some appreciation for even the lil u deem i've done.
But to u,
Perhaps I own a stoned heart.
And the duties I"ve fulfilled are for display's sake.
Maybe im likened to cinderella..
Maybe I just don't matter.
Maybe I really don't care..
Maybe there's really nothing called fair..

or maybe you just dont care
a statement to make
with a torn up pass
stirs a thousand feelings
of questions, hurt and dismay
but ignorance is bliss..

what is life,
with one major concern,
many other worries
pent up frustrations
that I patiently try to bury everyday
wishes that I cannot fulfill.
all because I try to please you 
while you remain blind to my worn out heart. 

Wld there even be a difference without me..

cruelty

the look of the silver needle was once excruciating
the pain of the pain it caused enhanced the pain of the 20 secs
and then with every pain that we go thru, we get used to it.
but how can one be such a wimp
to hide away with convenience 
and yet use this very experience to taunt
that "that's all you know how to" 
that Im being inhumane
and that Im being useless..
how can one cause so much pain with
statements they dont even understand
how can  that even be a kin
Severing ties when they go doesnt seem difficult a road to chose.
Never protected me, 
never provided for me,
never looked out for me..
he is heavy.. 
God help me.

-the single child-

come what May

Its a new month,
just about 5 months,
things could have been worse
I could have lost her
but I haven't.
Sometimes I still do take it for granted
and often I find myself shuffling between
treasuring and
reminding myself to preoccupy time with other matters.
Just so that I strike a balance and not fall too deep when that one day comes.


My lifestyle altered,
outlook in life transformed,
lost some faith
alot of strength
and then prayed for it to be added again.


The battles far from over
but I'm trying to build up an army
while the odds are presently in my favour
and when that day comes
I hope to be able to bear it all,
still stand tall
and continue being of great faith
glorifying the source of my strrength.


God has been good.


Still... Not my will but yours..
One not so fine day,
Not so soon I pray..
come what May.

I simply live for you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8khkgKtHFo

Say the word and I will sing for You

Over oceans deep, I will follow
If each star was a song
And every breath of wind, praise
It would still fail by far to say
All my heart contains


I simply live, I simply live for You


As the glory of Your presence
Now fills this place
In worship, we will meet You face to face
There is nothing in this world
To which You can be compared
Glory on glory, praise upon praise
You bind the broken hearted
And save all my tears
By Your word, You set the captives free
There is nothing in this world
That You cannot do

I simply live, I simply live for You

You are Holy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PebI3YUiAvU

You are holy, holy

Lord there is none, like you
You are holy, holy
Glory to you, my lord


I sing your praises forever
Deeper in love with you
Here in your courts
Where I'm close to your throne
I've found where I belong

not my cuppa tea...

being at butter was different..

only 6 months and how things have changed..
a part of me was trying to let lose..
yet a great part of me was fast forwarding to the next morn..
imagining me reeking with the after flavours and having to adminsiter medicine to mum..
couldn’t let lose nor enjoy myself..
is it the age or
is it the duty that’s weighs a ton..


just not my cup of tea anymore..

a little more gas

The presence of family is always heartwarming
a family in big numbers or even small..
conversations that are exchanged
the little bickers that arise
but deep within,
little is needed for much understanding
only because foundations were firm from the start
transparancy and a v close knitted tie..

Was it envy or a simple desire..
perhaps the latter..
perhaps even a craving to be of some importance
not even a pat on the back
but less pressure with the peak hours return
or a little more fish on my plate FIRST.
the tummy's full
but the heart gets heavy and sometimes hungry..

and then when the gripe starts
I stop to plea for strength
or remind meself to count the days..
and then my tank is filled with a little more gas..

the attitute of gratitude

These days every new week is unique and the challenges faced are of a different nature..
There's always stuff to complain or gripe about , thats the very nature of man.. always wanting more, never having too much difficulty to be dissatisfied about something, anything..

I've learned much over the visits to lighthse.. few weeks ago, Romans 12:1 lighted up before me.. knocking me into realisation that the life im living can be the very essence of worship to God.. there will always be times when we just want to be who we want to be, rebel whenever we desire or be an absolute disgrace as children of God.. yes no one is perfect but sermons like this was a very effective wake up call .. Worship isnt about paying lip service, singing all out in our songs of praise..
What it is, is the very way we live our lives every single day, offering ourselves as a living sacrifice to please Him.

Maybe it's a deeper understanding of this passage that also gives me an extra redbull dose of strength to persevere.. coz really if no one sees , God sees... so who am I doing this to please, none but Him. Hurts can come and go but when it doesnt destroy us, it must make us stronger..

These trials have trained me well. Although I wish I could wake up and realise this has been a very bad dream and life is still same ole cool and dandy I also realise I've matured thru all that has happened and I should remain thankful thru any and every situation..

And He throws in freebies like swinging monkeys during the storm to make the rough journey a little more tolerable... something I cannot understand but absolutely heartily pleased about..

heart of worship

When the music fades and all is stripped away
and i simply come
longing just to bring
something thats of worth
that will bless your heart

though I'm weak and poor
all I have is yours,
every single breath

I'll bring you more than a song
for a song in itself
its not what you have required

you search much deeper within
thru the way things appear,
you're looking into my heart

im coming back to the heart of worship
and its all about you , all about you Jesus..

Spirit of repentance

Spirit of repentance


In emptiness we discover new strength,

In solidarity a new being

In repentance past cracks seal

And then we enter a new beginning

Offering ourselves as a living sacrifice.. As an act of worship.
Certainly worth evolving into,

Perhaps none so timely than tis season of lent.

uninspired

Fingers on the keys not knowing e tune to play
seated behind e wheel not knowing where to turn
awkening yet oblivious to e day's direction
working with indifference
passing e week wondering what's been accomplished
alot of activity not knowing the why or what behind all this doing..

24 is here

24 is here
soon,another addition to the year
what has been achieved
any sign of relief?
or the same ole mess
mini improvements at best
wish i could reach the 3
and realise that that i could be
or at least be enroute
feeling  it could suit
why Lord why
am i really asking for the sky

Stability"s whats in need
is it what we call greed
always pining for what we do not have
and losing what we could have
couldn't be so tough
shouldn't be so rough
wish the long dist vision was clearer
but still, e heart's nothing braver

Acceptance for that planned
and courage for the unplanned.

Sunday

Attended Pastor Pacer's (:0..) message yesterday
Went to cheesecake with a possible future P.R.'s wife
and released the evil that was eating into me.

Today feels a lot better, lighter, refreshed.

We are all like Jacob, having the "Rachel" and "Leah" s in out lives. Often, we need to let go and let God coz obsession cripples our growth and relationship with God.

Fri Night

Mum: Girl, are you free on Sat morning?

Me: Why?

Mum: Shall we go out to buy things?

Me: Ok.. where do you want to go?

Mum: Marine Parade, I want to introduce you to someone...

Me: Introduce me to who??????

Mum: I want to introduce you to the ....fish man in Marine Parade market

*She laughs*

Me: HHHUUUHHH??? Introduce me to who???!!!

*We both break out in laughter*

Mum: The fish man... So that you know which stall it is and you can buy the fish next time

*More Laughter*

Me: Pa! Mummy told me she wants to introduce me to someone..

Dad: Introduce you to someone????? Who?

Me: Mummy wants to introduce me to.... the Fishmonger in marine parade market!

*We all break out in laughter*

I wonder if she intentionally phrased it in that way. Mum's cute. =)

Shalom

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLm-gm2HLwo&feature=related

My Peace I give unto you
Is a Peace that the world cannot give
It's a Peace that the world cannot understand
Peace to know, Peace to live
My Peace I give unto you.

My love I give unto you
Is a Love that the world cannot give
It's a Love that the world cannot understand
Love to know, Love to live
My Love I give unto you

How apt, hearing the message of peace shared in church I realised that the peace in my heart had been shaken. For a long while, I've been able to live with an innate calmness, not rushing, nor doubting, setting a quiet time and knowing that I was at peace with myself and trusting that God was in control.

Recently, there have been waves tossing within about too many matters. Isn't it easy to run away from struggles, just shut it away and let me run my world my way. But what is life if it was a bed of roses. What would we learn, what meaning is there to life than to just live and breathe and have everything placed at our feet.

And then we learn of people who have struggled to the point of insanity. They suffocate in a whirlwind of emotions that just cannot be handled anymore. Perhaps this is where it differs for those who take comfort that God is in control. We learn that the God who has made us, understands us to the point that even the world cannot understand - but He does. That the Peace He gives is beyond what the world can understand, above troubles and fears, transcending above all understanding.

something I took out of the message was
"When we think less of ourselves, we think less of God."

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

more improvements

Less drooling,
Eyes less swelled,
More stability,
Stronger Voice,
Muscles forming.

Good.

lives around me..

Some people chose their paths very carefully and still make wrong choices,
Some also chose very quickly and yet make good choices.

and me, always taking long and chosing wrong..

I looked around Uncle's, the toddlers were either running around or crawling, oldies were chatting away, the in betweens were tending to their crawlers..and I ? Was sitting beside ma, everyone's got a main duty and they were making attempts at the "hint hint" game with me..

great.

Lunar New Year thoughts

the Lunar New Year has arrived and even if Christmas 2010 has passed and the year striked 2011 without any celebrations nor parties, preparations this Lunar New Year has been awesome. Our spirits have been lifted up in the last few weeks with mum's progressive recovery.

Im thankful for the recent changes, things first crashed to pieces and like a miraculous work of art, th e same pieces were picked up and restored to levels that I could've never imagined. I missed the festivities over Christmas n NYparties. Never managed to indulge in the Orch shopping experience but still, Im pleased to have managed to get into the rara of CNY, roaming those alleys and piling up on goodies to stockup with my T.

On the 20th Jan, almost 1 month after coming out of the hospital, mum started walking.. the happiness derived from that moment was indecsribable, like seeing my baby walk for the 1st time. When I helped her up from the sofa, it was a pleasant surprise to realise little strength was required...
on the 25th Jan mum was prayed over at Good Shepherd Sisters Chapel at the healing service, she stood up and walked the entire aisle of the chapel down and back again to the altar - without any of us holding her. It was truly amazing, heartwarming, and for once in my life - I understood what tears of joy meant.

Then came the 28th Jan, I met a client - S for a work meeting. She's a C survivor and her husband died from it a few years ago. God certainly has a way of providing. Of all people, not friends, nor church mates but a client. Stepped out and reached out for my hands and prayed with me. If no one knew, perhaps God knew that I needed a moment as such. Truly heartwarming and it was tough pretending to be strong, my shield was stripped instantly and I couldn't continue hiding my weakness. S also gave me some Manuka Honey and lent me her juicer, for the ABC concoction - Apples, Beetroot, Carrots. Apparantly its good for C. (speaking of which I should start juicing soon.) I left her place feeling lighter and also came to terms with the fact that I was somewhat taking mum's recovery for granted.. there was a practical reminder that things could still swing either way.

Day by day, mum's condition has been picking up, I have been able to go back to work, had more restful nights and managed to sleep in a little later on some days too. Her sugar levels have stabilised, appetite's picked up and her sense of humour has truly been one of a kind.

Yes, Mum has developed a great sense of humour of late..it would leave me with repeated delayed laughters  and sometimes the ROFL kind.... and then i retire the day in my room knowing that I will miss her terribly when she is not around and I end up a very tearful child who's far outgrown the child-like days... These are thoughts that I try to shut away but then, as a child we have to come to terms with this fact, our parents will one day leave us.

For now, I just pray that she survives this episode and as her body becomes stronger to overcome all the bad cells so we can continue to hang out on this earth and even go for some holidays when she gets better.

My learning curve has been steep but worthwhile. I've become an "auntie" doing shopping at mostly markets or supermarkets, buying more vegetables, fruits and meat than I've ever done my entire lifetime. But as they say..

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

I am still breathing.. that is something to be joyful about..

I realised...

when the path's filled with an even surface we journey with ease
and then sometimes pebbled paths appear and we slow down to move along more carefully
and then when we see smoothed surfaces we easily forget what the rough times were, how bumpy the journey was.
sometimes we take it for granted and just focus on the joy and comforts of the smooth journey..
and we forget to prepare ourselves for tough times -  for practical reasons..

and today I realised.. there's a big difference between having
faith without acceptance and acceptance with faith.

the latter is my hurdle but I've gotta work on it, else my faith be tested.

Brand New Week

the last 3 days have been hectic, the weekend was all work with the major changes at home.
Mum also showed remarkable signs of recovery, she started to walk without the chair and now without the frame - just our hands. Awesome! I could say its the medication, or the vitamins, or the tonics but I think all glory goes to God for the answered prayers.

This week, mum's spirits picked up and she requested to go shopping at Metro and eat out and I was exhilarated with that request. My spirits were uplifted too and I told her that when she walks this stably my weight picks up as well.. and I've almost gained back all that I've lost. Almost.. =)

Miracles do happen and I hope God continues his miracle in mum.

Hoping and praying.
Nothing makes me happier than seeing her condition improving and seeing her smile.

May it be up up up from here..

diet changes

somehow I've lacked that inspiration to input thoughts.. too many things to do.. and I've finally figured out the effects of being a housewife or a mother..
the only thoughts are of your baby and if the baby's eating correctly, sleeping too much , feeling comfortable, except that my baby's my mummy. To top it all, I've got to be extra sure the correct medicine and dosage is given.

The days and weeks have not been easy and I pray the worst is over. Much credit has to be given to friends and family who have been giving the support that is simply priceless. We've been showered with prayer, warmth, smses, emails, food, fruits, information, visits and yup alot of love.

I'm thankful that through this crisis I've not encountered any one I call friend disappoint. Glad I've been blessed in this area and that I've not previously created discord with anyone I should now feel sorry about.

Doc's have classified it as stage 4 in the b and bone. One of the uncles came by and told us 5 of his friend got C as well but there were 4 success stories of how diet and lifestyle and a strong mind has got them on a road to recovery. They've seen cells shrink and C Markers reduce significantly.

I'm gonna take on the nutritionist role this week and research on the fruits and vegetables that will be good for mum. So far its Soursop, Beet root, Pomegranate, Avocardo, Asparagus, Bittergourd.

Will continue finding out more..

Keeping positive and prayerful and strong.

OUR Lord shall provide strength.

better day today..

dazed then disturbed
and then sleepy and then awake
ate heartily and then re-energized
we joked and laughed
about the jab..
I said that she's like a princess,
even in her weakness,
she found strength to exclaim, "What Princess, Like Queen you mean!"
The simple joys of family time..
and when night came, she had 3 masseurs by her side..
and then it was time to sleep and they fell asleep holding hands...

it started as a scary day but ended up as one of the better days.. =)

day14

Biopsy's done and results are gonna be out on Tues.


Praying for the best.


I'm getting more used to the chores but from this new week I've gotta start getting used to work and mum time... Hope I can handle it.


Meantime I dunno why mum's looking weak, sleepy, drowsy and her headache has been bothering her alot.. =(


Good that:


I've grown some patience handling dad's forgetfulness
I've grown confident with the needles and injecting everyday.
Sugar Levels been managed pretty well and I'm gonna try reducing insulin units while monitoring.
bro and I dont really fight now...