hoping for the best

We learn something new about ourselves every now and then..
I've always acknowledged that there were some VIPS that existed in my life..
But I only recently experienced an immense amount of a very new emotion..
knowing that the most important person in my life is down..

Everyday's a battle, seeing problems with mobility walking, getting out of the chair or out of the car, seeing her always tired, seeing her upset with herself for being this way.. A battle rages within coz I cannot bear to see it and wish I could run away from it.. and yet.. for obvious reasons I cannot.
Sometimes I wish I could disengage and busy myself with work and still, I have no mood for absolutely anything else. I want to be there all the time knowing that while my hand is there for her to hold,  she's safe from any fall or that I monitor everything she eats so that the sugar level doesn't escalate any further. I want to drive her everywhere because I don't want her to be cooped up at home and then I get all tired myself coz there's just so much to do and so much on my mind.

I know.. Im not dealing with this very well, I'm not doing this right.. I should hope for the best and wait for test results to be out soon.. Guess even for such things I need time to re-adjust and continue living life in the same way and getting back to work..

It's not easy at all.. I'm sick with fear, stressed with the unknown and fighting a battle of emotions every new day. she's afterall the most important person in my life. 

Hoping for the best...