this road or that.

For days I was drowning in it..
In this unwilling spirit to do almost anything.
I was caught up with the negativity @ work, socially, even myself.
I found no comfort in being home nor being out.
I questioned the source of this dismay.
Found no answer.
I read Allan's suicide letter..
I was wondering how it could have been so easy for him to just pack up and leave.
Or was it really easy.
Worshippin the devil indeed..
I was almost impressed with the very act.
I was stuck in a pit. Could not head forward nor back..
not up nor down.
Took time off to lay myself down to rest.
plucked up the courage to let the AH know how i was.
then..
I monitored and realised that the depression that accompanied al. were gone.
in the presence of the source of discomfort.. perhaps.. was comfort.
I learned to ease the tension and self medicate.
Allowed bits of happiness to creep in and yet maintain the distance from the bad effects.
wasn't easy But I was glad to even taste a fresh glimpse of happy.

I spread my cloth to align myself to nature once again.
New perspectives came to mind..
and the road to recovery continued..

Now that the mobility is back..
it's a lot easier even if its an uphill climb..
It's not easy having ...

happiness amidst sadness
loneliness amidst company
freedom amidst stifledness
silence amongst loved ones
laughter amidst pain
sorrow amidst celebration..

its this road or that.
simple comprehension.