days and months gone by..

I scrolled back on my past posts..

I realised that in July 2006. I was still haunted of the past.
It's strange how some memories dont really leave you as quickly as you'd like them to.
it's been almost 4 years and 4 months.. wow.. and lotsa memories still float around every now and then..

easily put aside when companions present but at times like that.. it pays a visit again.. and dwellin further into e memory still makes e heart wrench..
whatever for?!!

That's just me I guess.. place too much feel into the lil heart.. that's ever so vulnerable..
the blog i read sparked it off . ignited the sense of loss and e only memory close to that is e 52 months ago event.

I certainly don't want to lose a loved one in that way he did.. but.. it was difficult then..
During those days.. the world crashed down upon me, I was always drifting.. always hoping .. in vain, always pining for that familiar warmth, always in want.. and to make matters worse I was spun around in a web that injected new poison in me.. there was no way out and even if I had to be poisoned i held on to e thin thread.

Looking back, I realised that I've been through one of the most difficult chapters in my life.. coincidentally , those were e times where I had to grapple with the bad financial situation as well.

L O V E was a foreign word since then but now...

I understand it better again..

You just give selflessly..

well, I hope I grow outa this silly maze soon n realise how much I'm missing in life when i totally release the past..

and it just occured to me that.. thru those toughest times, I grew closest to my God..
now yeah.. Alex's situation makes more sense to me..
God's gentle presence - we usually take for granted .. but is magnified when we are down..
either way.. God is great and God is fair..
Whenever He takes somethin away from you, He gives you somethin better!
and the verse that pulled me thru my toughest days..through the loneliness,through the misery and insecurity..

Job11:13
"If you would prepare your heart,
And stretch out your hands toward Him;
If iniquity were in your hand, and you put it far away,
And would not let wickedness dwell in your tents;
Then surely you could lift up your face without spot;
Yes you could be steadfast, and not fear;
Because you would forget your misery
And remember it as waters gone by
And your life would be brighter than noonday
Though you were dark, you would be like the morning.
And you would be secure, because there is hope;
Yes you would dig about you , and take your rest in safety.
You would also lie down and no one would make you afraid;
Yes many would court your favour"


Alas this verse that He had for me gave me strength and now.. I can say His promises He fulfilled!