weekend's gone again

tis weekend..
woke up tis morn with an achin back n my ass hurts! must've been the stretch while trying to aim at every shot durin my game of badminton.
yest was a filled day w rackets, basketball under e scorchin sun, stupid dvd, and midnite movie.
where did i find strength for all that activity.
and then sunday's church, carole's baby's 1 month party, wk appt and a quick shoppin at lido.. then back home for a superb shower and to fin up my long overdue work.
Finally, least I had time for my docs amidst e packed weekend!

Now.. its 1215. yikes time to zzzzz...

fresh new week! 39 days to financial yr end.. so fast! time to wrap up my work n have a niiiiccceee break next month.. cant wait!!

happier posts

gee.. lookin back on my past posts.. nothin seemed really happy and i sound like im caught up in an endless sad cycle eh?
nah.. not really.. just seem to blog more when im =( and in happier times .. im usu out playing...

so wats up lately..
I've purch a new mj table .. waiting for the girls to have the official launch of mj in nette's room.
I've been extremely busy with work work work till late nites and that's taking a toll on me in the earlier part of e day..
I've been given this book by Vic from church.. Facing your giants (Max Lucado) was browsing the beginning few pages and fallin asleep on my bed when sth inside struck me and immed i sat up and intensely read on

Oh I've finally got down to piercin my ear again.

Last Sun was a sweat it out day at east coast.. e sunny weather took alot outa me.. was with Colin, Young Aloysius and the kiddos.. finally made it to bedok jetty again.. n yea.. u had to do that jumping stunt.. a few times.. my heart almost leaped outa my body!

Alrights.. tats all fer now..
sleepy eyes cant focus no more!

Nitey~

bedok yandao

hey hey..
since u still check out tis humble place..
here's a tribute to my ever so faithful reader..

Well, firstly.. thank you for your company in the smelly hot one-of-a-kind blk 85.. with the yummy chicken wings and bak chor mee~

If my home was nearby I'd be alot fatter.. food's yummylicious o'er there.

And seriously, take me as I am when u are in my presence coz I think I'm quite diffierent online and off. and I think I'm alot more transparent online. So that's just me. Either me.. it's just same nette in split personalities.

As for you.. cheer up yea.. least u got somethin going alr.. and you're right.. love the one u marry may sometimes evolve to marrying the one you love.. with time and divine intervention. End of e day.. nothin's impossible with God!
BUT 1st.. u have to believe for it to happen!

Hope all goes well~
I'm ok.. no worries!

if..

if lovin's so difficult..
I don't wanna love again..
sometimes.. it just tears u apart unknowlingly..
and leaves u pondering ...and wondering..
just what went wrong along the way..

days and months gone by..

I scrolled back on my past posts..

I realised that in July 2006. I was still haunted of the past.
It's strange how some memories dont really leave you as quickly as you'd like them to.
it's been almost 4 years and 4 months.. wow.. and lotsa memories still float around every now and then..

easily put aside when companions present but at times like that.. it pays a visit again.. and dwellin further into e memory still makes e heart wrench..
whatever for?!!

That's just me I guess.. place too much feel into the lil heart.. that's ever so vulnerable..
the blog i read sparked it off . ignited the sense of loss and e only memory close to that is e 52 months ago event.

I certainly don't want to lose a loved one in that way he did.. but.. it was difficult then..
During those days.. the world crashed down upon me, I was always drifting.. always hoping .. in vain, always pining for that familiar warmth, always in want.. and to make matters worse I was spun around in a web that injected new poison in me.. there was no way out and even if I had to be poisoned i held on to e thin thread.

Looking back, I realised that I've been through one of the most difficult chapters in my life.. coincidentally , those were e times where I had to grapple with the bad financial situation as well.

L O V E was a foreign word since then but now...

I understand it better again..

You just give selflessly..

well, I hope I grow outa this silly maze soon n realise how much I'm missing in life when i totally release the past..

and it just occured to me that.. thru those toughest times, I grew closest to my God..
now yeah.. Alex's situation makes more sense to me..
God's gentle presence - we usually take for granted .. but is magnified when we are down..
either way.. God is great and God is fair..
Whenever He takes somethin away from you, He gives you somethin better!
and the verse that pulled me thru my toughest days..through the loneliness,through the misery and insecurity..

Job11:13
"If you would prepare your heart,
And stretch out your hands toward Him;
If iniquity were in your hand, and you put it far away,
And would not let wickedness dwell in your tents;
Then surely you could lift up your face without spot;
Yes you could be steadfast, and not fear;
Because you would forget your misery
And remember it as waters gone by
And your life would be brighter than noonday
Though you were dark, you would be like the morning.
And you would be secure, because there is hope;
Yes you would dig about you , and take your rest in safety.
You would also lie down and no one would make you afraid;
Yes many would court your favour"


Alas this verse that He had for me gave me strength and now.. I can say His promises He fulfilled!

With All I am

Into your hand
I commit again
With All I am
For you Lord
You hold my world
in the palm of your hand
and I am yours forever

Jesus I believe in you
Jesus I belong to you
You're the reason that I live
the reason that I sing
With all I am

I'll walk with you
wherever you go
Through tears and Joy
I'll trust in you
I will live in all of your ways
Your promises
Forever

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMrAafe7Mns

I will run to you - Hill Songs

Your eye is on the sparrow
and your hand it comforts me
from the ends of the earth to
the depth of my heart
let your mercy and strength be seen

You called me to your purpose
As angels understand
For your Glory
May you draw all men
As your love and grace demands

I will run to you
To your words of truth
not by might not by power
but by the spirit of God
Yes I will run the race till I see your face
O let me live in the glory of your grace

Ashamed...

I was searching for a song.. " I don't know about tomorrow" on google, a non - local search.
I stumbled upon the closest match.
Coincidentally, the song lyrics were from a Singapore blog,
even more of a coincidence.. of a couple who were both from ACS and MGS..
and.. from my very own church - Wesley..

The introduction of their blog urged me to read on..
and..

Is it me? or just human nature? I feel immensely his pain, although I've never come close to losing anyone in this way..
Then, I felt as if my life had fallen into pieces and it reminded me so much of how the loneliness took so much out of me .. Loving and depending on another so much that when you have to be on your own again, you don't even dare walk again.. you see everything in a different perspective.. you wonder how to carry on..

I read on.. and realised she went to the Lord just a few months ago. I continued to read the posts b4 then .. and it was too painful.. I couldnt carry on ...

Amidst this pain I feel for a complete stranger.. I am amazed by Alex's continued faith in God, how in the world does his thirst for God continue in those times when so much was taken away from him ..

I am speechless. .. I can't bring myself to read on .. eyes welling up beyond my own realisation..
I will revisit this site again..
I have to be reminded by someone who has lost a loved one that God has always been there for me.
I am ashamed..

Thank You Alex.
I think many have learnt much from all that you've shared.
jokwan.blogspot.com

not me no more...

so much has happened ..
from something i've known so well
to the current oblivion..

no clue what's goin on..
no clue wats up ahead..

the lonesome walk..
smetimes feelin accompanied..
yet other times..
feelin like its me and me alone again..

for once in a long while..
hasnt been like that in a long while...

guess tis somethin i've chosen
so i'll continue with it till its decided that
it has to be taken away from me again..
afterall i decided to be selfless right from the start
so guess i shall continue..

so much to hold back now..
from qns to conversation..
feel like im bad again..
n im just not me no more...

i need mre hrs of e day!

so much to say,
so much to do,
wish i had more hours of the day
to have my work
my leisure
and still feel like there was enough time for everything..

recently, i've been enjoyin teaching lil joey and lil glenda(once)
teaching never seemed as enjoyable last time..
so much that I've neglected my own work..
arghh..
e day's like 730am till 930pm today
and tmr's 730 till abt 10pm..

faint!