wishing n hoping n dreaming..

the need to travel,
not to spend nor to splurge
but to see the world differently with the same pair of eyes
and to see the meaning of life from different lives
often it refreshes, it gives clarity.
Clarity to treasure what I have,
To freshen up with a break from different sights and people.
A whole new world in the same ole world..
When shall my next flight be =)

thoughts that stroll

Attempting to take a stroll from orchard to my home at the 11th hour of a monday evening. The thought was therapeutic and I needed to space out after a tiring day. The weather was fitting for a stroll even if I had to do it alone..
Thoughts filled my mind.. of my family and those i included in this circle. Warm and then painful and this song I replayed in my ears.. Lord I am yearning for thee..
In our weakest state, who really can we turn to? We live and die alone dont we? Better to depend on oneself than the world who may or may not be there.
I thought about m and the future and in seconds I knew I couldn't handle those thoughts. They made me so weak I had to shove them away.
Sometimes, you live to an age when you think you're all grown up and then you're like a child when these thoughts creep in.
I guess in all honesty, my Lord has answered me in more ways than I've realised. I've learnt not to carry the burden of the theory of "a life in my hands" ..

I once explored the different medications available and also ate myself up when I thought it was I who caused the 2nd visit to a&e and now, after trying and changing and paying and changing.. she doesn't even want to eat it.
The irony of life isn't it.
I've somewhat given in to you God, perhaps medications may or may not work but it is you who holds the key to our lives. Not the doctors, nor the specialists, nor me not even mum.
I realise, I am so small ..
You take over.
I surrender.

tick tock wont you stop

The 4s were spent separating the warring nations from attacks
Then the 5s came with a mountain full of expenses and fights magnified. Monetary issues worsened and all was lost. well, almost.
These went on for days, weeks, months, years and in a year, only a few good weeks were spent in peace.
At a blink of an eye, the 6s came quickly while the pace grew slower, more greys emerged and giving in seemed easier because strength faded..
And now, 7s approach n its not the best but then again maybe you once thot..

"I could have had better..
But now...
when I lie u lift me up
When I call u appear on the ball
when my fingers grow weak u button me up
when my eyes are dry u give me some drops
When I can't bend to wear my shoe, u bend over to sort em out
When I nag, you laugh
When I smile , it delights you even more
When I'm spoilt u pamper me full

Even though u talk too much and boasts like a pro
I wldnt have it any other way coz when you go i wouldn't know how to handle the blow.
and I'd probably wish you back again. "

and as for me.. yes I know every minute hour day week and month is precious.
I will do my best, God please do the rest.

I am not so strong..
if you would.. pls carry me along.