When I was down in the pits I needed alot of company. Needed ppl to talk to, needed activity to kill thoughts in my head, needed to drink to drown the memories, needed the open sea to calm my attacks..
and then when I'm better, friends mistake me for using them and sometimes wonder why I stopped calling....
I wrote an email response to a v close friend and whilst I was at it, I understood myself better too..
Concluded that it's easy to just pick up the phone, call a friend out.
but those were temporary solutions.
deep inside I know I'm independant..and I knew I had to depend on myself to pounce outa the pit.
I respect people's situation and their time and I know that there would be more to gain if I spent time being alone, to sort out my thoughts, my feelings, my plans..
Being dependant on no one but myself... and its not easy sometimes but over time I have learnt..
I'm at a phase where I try to depend on myself, try to be happy
being home early. watching dvds and having solitary time ..
I was always used to hanging out, every day, every night. downing gallons on weekends with friends, tiring myself till Monday came again and the cycle continued..
but now .. Voila.. I've finally mastered the art and joy of being home early, watching a dvd, working on personal projects, writing, planning.. thinking.. reflecting..
life is good once more~
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