15days..

its 15 days more.. looking forward to being up the hill again. =)

for His glory..

Have I been using my gifts well?
2 consecutive sessions I've related my stories to them in a personal way.
For unknown reasons to me, they've been touched.
Tears that flowed for the litle sharing on my part.
Did i say the right-wrong things or the wrong-right things.
I'd better be spirit led.
zm commited her life to Him.
wow!
He's working..
I am glad!

fresh weekend.

Weekend was packed.
many hours to the preparation for sf and phil lessons on sat.
Survived even with 3 hours sleep.
Rather fulfilling, goal focussed.
took my mind off the rot.
Lookin 4ward to Laguna and sunny skies again.
Its been a short time but it was just about time..
19days vs 120 days.. yeah of course its about time.

D shared with me a little on a more personal level.
Love is a commitment and a choice.
and in Biblical days..
"and then He loved her" struck me that it was a choice.
Perhaps that'd change my perspective that it isn't just sparks and all emotion..
there's something a lot more mature than just the here and now feelings..

SF discussions went well..
Phil plans smooth..
and time spent with the kids and libud were awesome too..
its a wonderful sunday.. =)

betrayal?

A back stab to some,
Emotions filled with hatred for others..
my perspective's -a way to disappoint an act of love.
M asked me what drives me..
With no hesitation, I said 'Love'
Asked why..
it was simple,
in love , there is sincerity in giving.
and in giving I derive joy.
to friends, family, or even ppl i barely know.
If I could make 1 more person happier by spending even $1 on 3 packs of tissue
or.. buy mum a cook book when she least expects it..
or even being a supportive friend without expecting an equivalent return.
There's great joy in giving and yet when you give and give..
you're bound to face disappointments..

Perhaps disappointments that seem difficult to forget..
because in love u forgive and with that same source you draw strength to continue giving and
they still chose to leave u beaten down..
do they derive joy seeing u down,
a grave sense of betrayal filled e downcast mind,
couldn't stand up for a while..
but now.. I've learned that
giving's only for the deserving and
I should stop playing jesus..

I may just be a smashed snail if I tread on e wrong path again..
once smashed forever gone..
Need to harden my shell and stay in the snail cave for awhile..

comin out of the shell..

I plucked up the courage to crawl outa my shell to see the world again.

and realised its beauty even though my toes had been stepped on..

For sometime, I had been living in the land of odds..

Comfortably living though I knew it was dark.

I got accustomed to darkness

perhaps because in darkness I could attempt to offer some light.

I was unprepared, and then whilst still attempting to light my fire,

I got burned..

Not mildly, perhaps 3rd degree.

and when pain seeps in after the initial burn..

it's unimaginable, incomprehendable and lingers day after day.

Certainly, time's a great help to the numbing pain after sometime.

But memories of it can be excruciating.

What have I learned..

Never to play with fire again?

Never to give more than what I'm capable of?

How is that measured ?

Perhaps I'l learn over time.

But yes, I remain stubborn and true to myself,

that I'm made for giving,

because ultimately, its so much easier to love than hate.

to care than scorn at another.

and that will be me.

I've given, got burned and still learning.

Guess I'm still growing up.