It's been 3 years now and we are back in the hospital for the 3rd time.
This year in April and now, just after Christmas.
I could have sent u to hospital earlier but I didn't like the idea of u spending Christmas in the hospital and was trying out tonics in the hope that things would improve. I'm sorry that while waiting you may have got worse.
Thank God though that there was a stirring in my heart that if this delayed, there may have been more complications and that's why we're in hospital now.
If u could look into our hearts you'd realize how your family cares for you. If u could also see how pa has been losing weight you would also probably be nicer to him? I hope u already know all of this.
I often have conversations with God on why He had to give you an illness like this. It's really not nice and I'm also sorry I didn't grow up fast enough to watch your food intake closely or to bring u to exercise with me.
Yesterday the doctor slapped me with brutal reality.. She asked.. "If your mum's heart fails, would u want us to resuscitate her and put her on a life support machine etc or would u want to let her go comfortably?
The answer was clear. No more suffering. "of course, the natural way is best" I answered very calmly but this question serves as a reminder for me to prepare myself. Yes of course it's the best but thinking about it sucks. I have to focus on the heavenly pleasures you would later enjoy to feel better and the fact that u'd have no more pain when you are there.. :)
Well mum, today you're on your 4th pack of blood and looking a lot better. I hope this continues and you are more comfortable and sleep well.
I Love You Mum.
