Escapism

How easy it is to escape difficulties and to free ourselves from things we cannot bear by turning to pleasures- drinking, shopping or holidaying.

I realize today... I am guilty.

Dealing with difficult situations have not been easy. Dealing with sickness has been worse. I have attempted to provide help when it was needed, emptied my pockets ever so often, counseled when tension prevailed and I failed time and again to reap much harvest for the seeds I sowed.

Did I really think that I did that much.. Yes admittedly, but I realize that the bigger question was - have I done enough - and through who's eyes. Was it through God's eyes or my human eye.

Lately I have been escaping,shutting my ears and eyes to the bickering and tension that exists almost daily. Every time I exposed myself to it- it would drain me out emotionally. It would make me feel that this life was not worth living. I allowed the devil to speak too much.. Telling me that I should consider moving out...

Escapism.

Today I read Rev Gordon Wong's book - God why? In the 3rd chapter it spoke about Habakuk's doubts if God was really present through the suffering he had to go through. If God really cared?

An analogy of a girl who sometimes wondered if her mum really loved her. In her mum's sickness, her mum was a different person, shouting or keeping absolutely silent and ignoring her child. The child responds " whenever I begin to doubt, I remind myself of who she is.i think about the past,before she became sick. I remember how she looked for me when I was lost in the shopping mall and how happy I was to see her. I remember the time I was so sick and she would sleep through the whole night on the floor beside my bed... When I remember these things, my doubts disappear. Even though she no longer shows it and I no longer feel it, I know she loves me. She's my mum."

The same with God that is ever present but never. Still, if I could cling on to the assurance of God's love then I should be no different to my mum who is still present and seen.

I should attempt to forgo escapism and persevere through the storm.