24 is here
soon,another addition to the year
what has been achieved
any sign of relief?
or the same ole mess
mini improvements at best
wish i could reach the 3
and realise that that i could be
or at least be enroute
feeling it could suit
why Lord why
am i really asking for the sky
Stability"s whats in need
is it what we call greed
always pining for what we do not have
and losing what we could have
couldn't be so tough
shouldn't be so rough
wish the long dist vision was clearer
but still, e heart's nothing braver
Acceptance for that planned
and courage for the unplanned.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Sunday
Attended Pastor Pacer's (:0..) message yesterday
Went to cheesecake with a possible future P.R.'s wife
and released the evil that was eating into me.
Today feels a lot better, lighter, refreshed.
We are all like Jacob, having the "Rachel" and "Leah" s in out lives. Often, we need to let go and let God coz obsession cripples our growth and relationship with God.
Went to cheesecake with a possible future P.R.'s wife
and released the evil that was eating into me.
Today feels a lot better, lighter, refreshed.
We are all like Jacob, having the "Rachel" and "Leah" s in out lives. Often, we need to let go and let God coz obsession cripples our growth and relationship with God.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Fri Night
Mum: Girl, are you free on Sat morning?
Me: Why?
Mum: Shall we go out to buy things?
Me: Ok.. where do you want to go?
Mum: Marine Parade, I want to introduce you to someone...
Me: Introduce me to who??????
Mum: I want to introduce you to the ....fish man in Marine Parade market
*She laughs*
Me: HHHUUUHHH??? Introduce me to who???!!!
*We both break out in laughter*
Mum: The fish man... So that you know which stall it is and you can buy the fish next time
*More Laughter*
Me: Pa! Mummy told me she wants to introduce me to someone..
Dad: Introduce you to someone????? Who?
Me: Mummy wants to introduce me to.... the Fishmonger in marine parade market!
*We all break out in laughter*
I wonder if she intentionally phrased it in that way. Mum's cute. =)
Me: Why?
Mum: Shall we go out to buy things?
Me: Ok.. where do you want to go?
Mum: Marine Parade, I want to introduce you to someone...
Me: Introduce me to who??????
Mum: I want to introduce you to the ....fish man in Marine Parade market
*She laughs*
Me: HHHUUUHHH??? Introduce me to who???!!!
*We both break out in laughter*
Mum: The fish man... So that you know which stall it is and you can buy the fish next time
*More Laughter*
Me: Pa! Mummy told me she wants to introduce me to someone..
Dad: Introduce you to someone????? Who?
Me: Mummy wants to introduce me to.... the Fishmonger in marine parade market!
*We all break out in laughter*
I wonder if she intentionally phrased it in that way. Mum's cute. =)
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
Shalom
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLm-gm2HLwo&feature=related
My Peace I give unto you
Is a Peace that the world cannot give
It's a Peace that the world cannot understand
Peace to know, Peace to live
My Peace I give unto you.
My love I give unto you
Is a Love that the world cannot give
It's a Love that the world cannot understand
Love to know, Love to live
My Love I give unto you
How apt, hearing the message of peace shared in church I realised that the peace in my heart had been shaken. For a long while, I've been able to live with an innate calmness, not rushing, nor doubting, setting a quiet time and knowing that I was at peace with myself and trusting that God was in control.
Recently, there have been waves tossing within about too many matters. Isn't it easy to run away from struggles, just shut it away and let me run my world my way. But what is life if it was a bed of roses. What would we learn, what meaning is there to life than to just live and breathe and have everything placed at our feet.
And then we learn of people who have struggled to the point of insanity. They suffocate in a whirlwind of emotions that just cannot be handled anymore. Perhaps this is where it differs for those who take comfort that God is in control. We learn that the God who has made us, understands us to the point that even the world cannot understand - but He does. That the Peace He gives is beyond what the world can understand, above troubles and fears, transcending above all understanding.
something I took out of the message was
"When we think less of ourselves, we think less of God."
John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
My Peace I give unto you
Is a Peace that the world cannot give
It's a Peace that the world cannot understand
Peace to know, Peace to live
My Peace I give unto you.
My love I give unto you
Is a Love that the world cannot give
It's a Love that the world cannot understand
Love to know, Love to live
My Love I give unto you
How apt, hearing the message of peace shared in church I realised that the peace in my heart had been shaken. For a long while, I've been able to live with an innate calmness, not rushing, nor doubting, setting a quiet time and knowing that I was at peace with myself and trusting that God was in control.
Recently, there have been waves tossing within about too many matters. Isn't it easy to run away from struggles, just shut it away and let me run my world my way. But what is life if it was a bed of roses. What would we learn, what meaning is there to life than to just live and breathe and have everything placed at our feet.
And then we learn of people who have struggled to the point of insanity. They suffocate in a whirlwind of emotions that just cannot be handled anymore. Perhaps this is where it differs for those who take comfort that God is in control. We learn that the God who has made us, understands us to the point that even the world cannot understand - but He does. That the Peace He gives is beyond what the world can understand, above troubles and fears, transcending above all understanding.
something I took out of the message was
"When we think less of ourselves, we think less of God."
John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Tuesday, February 08, 2011
more improvements
Less drooling,
Eyes less swelled,
More stability,
Stronger Voice,
Muscles forming.
Good.
Eyes less swelled,
More stability,
Stronger Voice,
Muscles forming.
Good.
Sunday, February 06, 2011
lives around me..
Some people chose their paths very carefully and still make wrong choices,
Some also chose very quickly and yet make good choices.
and me, always taking long and chosing wrong..
I looked around Uncle's, the toddlers were either running around or crawling, oldies were chatting away, the in betweens were tending to their crawlers..and I ? Was sitting beside ma, everyone's got a main duty and they were making attempts at the "hint hint" game with me..
great.
Some also chose very quickly and yet make good choices.
and me, always taking long and chosing wrong..
I looked around Uncle's, the toddlers were either running around or crawling, oldies were chatting away, the in betweens were tending to their crawlers..and I ? Was sitting beside ma, everyone's got a main duty and they were making attempts at the "hint hint" game with me..
great.
Friday, February 04, 2011
Lunar New Year thoughts
the Lunar New Year has arrived and even if Christmas 2010 has passed and the year striked 2011 without any celebrations nor parties, preparations this Lunar New Year has been awesome. Our spirits have been lifted up in the last few weeks with mum's progressive recovery.
Im thankful for the recent changes, things first crashed to pieces and like a miraculous work of art, th e same pieces were picked up and restored to levels that I could've never imagined. I missed the festivities over Christmas n NYparties. Never managed to indulge in the Orch shopping experience but still, Im pleased to have managed to get into the rara of CNY, roaming those alleys and piling up on goodies to stockup with my T.
On the 20th Jan, almost 1 month after coming out of the hospital, mum started walking.. the happiness derived from that moment was indecsribable, like seeing my baby walk for the 1st time. When I helped her up from the sofa, it was a pleasant surprise to realise little strength was required...
on the 25th Jan mum was prayed over at Good Shepherd Sisters Chapel at the healing service, she stood up and walked the entire aisle of the chapel down and back again to the altar - without any of us holding her. It was truly amazing, heartwarming, and for once in my life - I understood what tears of joy meant.
Then came the 28th Jan, I met a client - S for a work meeting. She's a C survivor and her husband died from it a few years ago. God certainly has a way of providing. Of all people, not friends, nor church mates but a client. Stepped out and reached out for my hands and prayed with me. If no one knew, perhaps God knew that I needed a moment as such. Truly heartwarming and it was tough pretending to be strong, my shield was stripped instantly and I couldn't continue hiding my weakness. S also gave me some Manuka Honey and lent me her juicer, for the ABC concoction - Apples, Beetroot, Carrots. Apparantly its good for C. (speaking of which I should start juicing soon.) I left her place feeling lighter and also came to terms with the fact that I was somewhat taking mum's recovery for granted.. there was a practical reminder that things could still swing either way.
Day by day, mum's condition has been picking up, I have been able to go back to work, had more restful nights and managed to sleep in a little later on some days too. Her sugar levels have stabilised, appetite's picked up and her sense of humour has truly been one of a kind.
Yes, Mum has developed a great sense of humour of late..it would leave me with repeated delayed laughters and sometimes the ROFL kind.... and then i retire the day in my room knowing that I will miss her terribly when she is not around and I end up a very tearful child who's far outgrown the child-like days... These are thoughts that I try to shut away but then, as a child we have to come to terms with this fact, our parents will one day leave us.
For now, I just pray that she survives this episode and as her body becomes stronger to overcome all the bad cells so we can continue to hang out on this earth and even go for some holidays when she gets better.
My learning curve has been steep but worthwhile. I've become an "auntie" doing shopping at mostly markets or supermarkets, buying more vegetables, fruits and meat than I've ever done my entire lifetime. But as they say..
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
I am still breathing.. that is something to be joyful about..
Im thankful for the recent changes, things first crashed to pieces and like a miraculous work of art, th e same pieces were picked up and restored to levels that I could've never imagined. I missed the festivities over Christmas n NYparties. Never managed to indulge in the Orch shopping experience but still, Im pleased to have managed to get into the rara of CNY, roaming those alleys and piling up on goodies to stockup with my T.
On the 20th Jan, almost 1 month after coming out of the hospital, mum started walking.. the happiness derived from that moment was indecsribable, like seeing my baby walk for the 1st time. When I helped her up from the sofa, it was a pleasant surprise to realise little strength was required...
on the 25th Jan mum was prayed over at Good Shepherd Sisters Chapel at the healing service, she stood up and walked the entire aisle of the chapel down and back again to the altar - without any of us holding her. It was truly amazing, heartwarming, and for once in my life - I understood what tears of joy meant.
Then came the 28th Jan, I met a client - S for a work meeting. She's a C survivor and her husband died from it a few years ago. God certainly has a way of providing. Of all people, not friends, nor church mates but a client. Stepped out and reached out for my hands and prayed with me. If no one knew, perhaps God knew that I needed a moment as such. Truly heartwarming and it was tough pretending to be strong, my shield was stripped instantly and I couldn't continue hiding my weakness. S also gave me some Manuka Honey and lent me her juicer, for the ABC concoction - Apples, Beetroot, Carrots. Apparantly its good for C. (speaking of which I should start juicing soon.) I left her place feeling lighter and also came to terms with the fact that I was somewhat taking mum's recovery for granted.. there was a practical reminder that things could still swing either way.
Day by day, mum's condition has been picking up, I have been able to go back to work, had more restful nights and managed to sleep in a little later on some days too. Her sugar levels have stabilised, appetite's picked up and her sense of humour has truly been one of a kind.
Yes, Mum has developed a great sense of humour of late..it would leave me with repeated delayed laughters and sometimes the ROFL kind.... and then i retire the day in my room knowing that I will miss her terribly when she is not around and I end up a very tearful child who's far outgrown the child-like days... These are thoughts that I try to shut away but then, as a child we have to come to terms with this fact, our parents will one day leave us.
For now, I just pray that she survives this episode and as her body becomes stronger to overcome all the bad cells so we can continue to hang out on this earth and even go for some holidays when she gets better.
My learning curve has been steep but worthwhile. I've become an "auntie" doing shopping at mostly markets or supermarkets, buying more vegetables, fruits and meat than I've ever done my entire lifetime. But as they say..
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
I am still breathing.. that is something to be joyful about..
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